I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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