Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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