She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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