I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
