96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
