she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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