Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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