My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
