HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
