do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
