Already got asked if we're dating
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
