She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
