I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
