I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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