im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
