yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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