Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
