Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
