How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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