we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
