Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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