FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
