What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
