white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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