A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
