toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I party with great urgency now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
