Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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