so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
