lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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