So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
