I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
