Ambien. No doubt about it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
