how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
