In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize