My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
