You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
