Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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