never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
