I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
