this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
