This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
