Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
