yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
