cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ketchup is God's man juice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
