Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
