Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
