all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
