I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
