So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
