so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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