I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You dont lie about slip and slides
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
