If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
