I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
