im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
