I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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