I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
