Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
