he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
