drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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