Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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