I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
