I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And then he peed in my hair
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